In a perfect world, parents agree on everything when it comes to their child – as long as it is in the child’s best interest. But this isn’t a perfect world and even married couples often disagree on raising their children.
“The best interest of the child” is in itself problematic because it provides no clear direction, and it is up to the decision-maker to define it. When there is more than one decision maker, such as a mother and father, and they hold opposing views on what the best interest of the child is, it can lead to disagreements, some quite serious.
Some disagreements may even land the parents in family court so that a judge can decide what is in the child’s best interest.
One of these topics that has garnered a great deal of controversy and significant media attention, especially in recent years, is vaccinating children.
So, what happens when one parent says yes and the other says no?
Why Do Parents Decide Not to Vaccinate Their Children?
Parents have many reasons for not vaccinating their children. Some cite religious reasons, others philosophical views, certain medical conditions that vaccinations may exacerbate, and others. What it all comes down to though is that the parent wants to protect their child.
Parent who wants to vaccinate their child has a strong desire to protect them from diseases like smallpox, diphtheria, pertussis, and others that seem to have been mostly eradicated because of vaccines.
On the other hand, the parent who does not want their child vaccinated also has a strong desire to protect them. They want to protect them from side effects and medical conditions that may arise from vaccinations.
These diametrically opposed views actually have the same source – the strong parental instinct to protect your young. One parent believes not vaccinating is harmful while the other believes that vaccinating is harmful. And the truth is, it is tough to make some of these fundamental decisions for your child.
And if you can’t get past the stalemate, it helps to know your rights – and how a family law attorney can help you enforce them.
Which Parent in a Custody Case Has the Authority to Make Decisions Regarding Vaccinating Your Child in New York?
In New York, both parents have equal decision-making rights when it comes to their children if the parents or married, were married when the child was born if they are separated or divorced, or if paternity has been established. The only time this would not be the case is if there was a court order that said otherwise.
The decision to vaccinate falls under legal custody. It is possible for a parent to have sole physical custody, but both parents have joint legal custody, meaning that they make important decisions about the child together.
If both parents have joint legal custody, then the decision falls on both of them to make the decision together. If only one parent has legal custody, then that parent can make the decision without consulting the other parent.
What Should You Do If You and Your Ex Can’t Agree on Vaccinating Your Child?
If you are able to sit down and talk with your ex or spouse, simply have a conversation. Acknowledge their position and explain your reasons for why you do or don’t want to vaccinate your child. Listen to them, ask questions, and seek to understand their position.
If you can’t get anywhere just talking, or if your discussion raised some important questions, make an appointment with a doctor to discuss your concerns with them. Go together and bring your list of questions. Sometimes just talking with an expert can allay any fears and help you come to an agreement.
If you still cannot come to an agreement, you may want to go to a mediator. They are an impartial third party who will facilitate the conversation and help you have a healthy, productive discussion so you can find common ground and hopefully come to an agreement.
As a last resort, you may need to take the other parent to court. Your attorney can help you decide if this is the step you want to take in your case.
What Should You Do If You and Your Ex Disagree On COVID-19 Vaccinations for Your Children?
The COVID-19 pandemic opened a whole new vaccination conversation for parents. Some say the technology is too new and it has not been adequately tested for long-term effects on children. Others say it is perfectly safe and is a necessary protection against a potentially deadly disease.
Whatever side you stand on, if your ex is standing on the other side, emotions can run very high.
Gather your research on the topic and encourage your ex to do the same. Go over it all together and see if you can come to an agreement. You can also try mediation, but ultimately you may have to take it to court and let a judge decide.
What Should You Do If Your Spouse or Ex Threatens to Go Against Your Wishes Regarding Vaccinating Your Child?
If your spouse or ex says that regardless of what you want for your child, they are going to do what they feel is best, and you have joint legal custody, you will probably need to take them to court.
Talk to your attorney who may be able to intervene and halt any action until your court date. Then you and your ex or spouse can go before the judge, make your case, and let him or her decide. Again, the judge will always decide what they believe to be in the best interest of the child. So the decision may not be what you would consider is in the child’s best interest.
How Do You Get a Court Order If Your Ex Won’t Agree with You on Vaccinating Your Child?
If you and the other parent cannot agree on vaccinating your child, the first thing you should do is talk to a family law attorney who is experienced in custody disputes. If you don’t have legal custody, you may have to file a petition to modify custody so that you have legal custody. At that point, you will have the legal right to have a say in all important decisions regarding your child.
Once you have legal custody, you can work with your attorney to decide on the best course of action. In some cases, attorneys for both sides can work something out. In other cases, you will have to allow your attorney to file a motion with the court so the judge can decide. If it gets to this point, you want to stay in close contact with your lawyer and let them guide you every step of the way. These types of disputes can be tumultuous and if you aren’t careful, damaging.
And that is never in the best interest of your child.
Are you in a dispute with your ex or spouse regarding vaccinating your child? Call the Litvak Law Firm and let us help you. Our experienced, compassionate, talented legal team will help you protect your child and protect your rights as a parent. Don’t wait, call 718-989-2908 today.