Not all divorces are messy and difficult with warring spouses, contentious custody battles, and unending property disputes. Sometimes, two people just want to get a divorce and be done with it, no muss, no fuss. 

In those cases, a pro se divorce may be the answer.

Face it, no one wants to hang out in divorce court fighting with their ex over everything and paying massive attorney fees and court costs. If the couple can agree on most of the terms of the divorce, it makes things so much easier. Albeit it is recommended that you keep a divorce attorney in the loop, just in case.

If you are facing divorce and think you may want to take this route, here’s what you need to know – and when you need an attorney.

Can you do your divorce yourself in New York?

It is possible to file yourself for divorce in New York. This is called a “pro se divorce” which means “for himself” and is the legal term used when an individual chooses to represent himself or herself in court, without any assistance from an attorney. These people file actions, respond to actions, and even represent themselves in a trial or hearing, all without the assistance of a lawyer.

It is worth noting that if you are a pro se litigant, you are held to the same standard in the courts as lawyers. In other words, you better know what you are doing, or it can end badly.

With that said, if you choose to act as your own attorney in your divorce, you need to know state and local divorce procedures and laws – and follow them to the letter.

Can you get a pro se divorce if your spouse is missing?

When getting a divorce, attorney-assisted or not, the filing spouse is legally required to serve the other spouse with the divorce papers and that proof has to be filed in court in order for the divorce to be finalized. Typically, the papers are served to the other spouse at their home, work, or at the home of a friend or family member.

Sometimes though it isn’t that simple.

When the filing spouse does not have the other spouse’s address or does not know their whereabouts, it can make the process a little more difficult.

The first thing to do when the spouse can’t be located is to make a diligent effort to find them. This should be well documented so that it can be presented in court. If they still can’t be found, the filing spouse can resort to an alternative service such as publishing in a  newspaper for three weeks. Again, this must be well documented.

Can you do a pro se divorce if your spouse contests it?

Technically, it is possible to do a pro se divorce if the other spouse contests it or if the spouses are not able to agree on key issues. However, it is definitely not recommended. The more disputes in the divorce, the more likely the proceedings will become more complex, involving areas of law that attorneys are trained in but the average layperson is not.

A contested divorce or one that is not amicable would likely do better if both parties had attorneys.

How do you handle the division of property in a New York pro se divorce?

If property division is going to be left up to the judge in the proceedings then it is much safer to have legal representation. If there is a prenup or both parties have agreed to the division of property prior to the divorce proceedings, then the pro se divorce can typically move forward.

Any argument over any asset in the divorce should result in bringing in a divorce attorney. They can assure that the division is fair and just.

How are child custody, support, and visitation handled in a pro se divorce?

Unless there is a written agreement on child custody, support, and visitation that is filed with the court, it is best to have an attorney involved. An attorney can help iron out the arrangements for the children, keeping their best interest at the forefront. 

Child custody can get messy, even if the couple enters into the divorce proceedings fully cooperative on every issue. If children are involved, the best course of action is to get a lawyer. This is one instance where a pro se divorce may not be the best way to go.

What are the requirements for getting a pro se divorce in NY?

There are two requirements that must be met before filing for a divorce, whether it is pro se or there is legal representation:

  • Residency 
    • One or both spouses have been living in New York State continually for at least two years immediately prior to the date the divorce action was started
    • One or both spouses have been living in New York State on the date that the divorce action was started and continually a minimum of one year immediately prior to the date the divorce action was started, and (at least one of these must be true)
      • The marriage ceremony was performed in the state of New York, or
      • The couple lived together as married couple in New York State
    • One or both spouses have been living in New York State continually for a minimum of one year immediately prior to the date the divorce action was started and the grounds for the divorce must have occurred in the state of New York
    • One of both spouses are residents of the State of New York, regardless of the length of time, on the date that the divorce action was started, and the grounds for the divorce must have occurred in the state of New York 
  • Grounds for divorce 
    • Irretrievable breakdown in the relationship for at least six months (No-fault divorce)
    • Cruel and inhuman treatment
    • Abandonment
    • Imprisonment
    • Adultery
    • Living separate and apart pursuant to a separation decree of judgment
    • Living separate and apart pursuant to a separation agreement

What is the process for getting a pro se divorce in New York?

The process for a pro se divorce is explained in detail in the New York Court’s Divorce Packet.

This is an overview of the process:

  1. Prepare one original and two copies of
    1. Summons With Notice (Form UD-1), OR
    2. Summons and Verified Complaint (Form UD-1a and Form UD-2)
  2. File the original summons with the County Clerk’s Office after purchasing an index number
  3. Put the index number and filing date on the summons
  4. If the defendant agrees to the divorce, they will need to sign an e Affidavit of Defendant (Form UD-7)
  5. Have the defendant served with one copy of the summons
  6. If the summons was served to the defendant, the person who served must complete an “Affidavit of Service” (Form UD-3)
  7. If the parties were married in a religious ceremony, the defendant  must be served with a copy of the Sworn Statement of Removal of Barriers to Remarriage (Form UD-4)
  8. Forms UD-3 through UD-12 must be completed
  9. The  Request for Judicial Intervention (Form UD-13) must be completed and if there are children under 18 then the Addendum Form 840M must also be completed
  10. The Certificate of Dissolution of Marriage, the postcard, and, where applicable, the UCS 111 (Divorce and Child Support Summary Form) must be completed.
  11. The following must be filed with the County Clerk’s Office and include three copies of the Note of Issue (Form UD-9)
    1. All completed forms
    2. Copy of the summons
  12. Pay the filing fees

All the forms and documents that are filed with the County Clerk’s Office will be submitted to the judge for review. If the judge approves them then he or she will sign the Judgment of Divorce.

If one of the spouses is asking for custody, distribution of property, visitation, or maintenance, the court may require a hearing even if there is an agreement already in place between the spouses.

Other forms may also be required depending on the circumstances of the divorce.

New York divorce FAQ

    • Can you get a pro se divorce if your spouse has a lawyer?

You can, but it isn’t a good idea. If one spouse has a lawyer, it would be wise for the other spouse to also get legal representation.

    • How can you get a quick divorce in NY?

Some of the grounds for divorce do allow for a “quick” divorce, but the best way is to have a completed separation agreement and state in the paperwork that the marriage has been irretrievably broken for six months. This statement gets filed in court and is considered to be made under oath.

Ultimately, the quickest way to get a divorce in New York is for both parties to agree.

    • What is the easiest divorce in NY?

An uncontested divorce is the easiest way to terminate a marriage in New York. The more the couple is in agreement with the terms, the easier it will be.

    • What is the cheapest divorce in NY?

An uncontested pro se divorce is the cheapest, but cheap isn’t always good. If you hit a snag, you want to have experienced legal representation.

When is it better to get a divorce lawyer instead of doing it yourself?

Not every divorce is well suited for the pro se route. Sometimes it is best to get a lawyer so that you can ensure your rights are protected. If you encounter any of these issues, you need a divorce attorney:

  • The spouses are unable to agree on one or more key issues
  • One spouse has a lawyer
  • The filing spouse fears or is experiencing domestic violence
  • The divorce is fault-based
  • The filing spouse does not have much spare time for the time and labor-intensive process of a pro se divorce

If you are considering a pro se divorce, at least talk to an attorney beforehand to see if your case is a good fit. It is better to have an attorney and for things to go smoothly than to go into the courtroom alone and find out that you desperately need a lawyer.

At the Litvak Law Firm, our team of experienced, compassionate, highly trained divorce lawyers will help you with your divorce proceedings in whatever capacity you prefer. Call 718-9892908 today to get started. Don’t try to go it alone, you have a lot to lose.